Misunderstood by many who do not have enough information, BDSM – Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism Fetish is in fact how one explores their sexual powers, sensations, fantasies and more. Trust, honest and open communication and mutual respect are all pivotal parts of a great and BDSM relationship or agreement. With the right attitude, mindset, and know-how about BDSM dynamics, this lifestyle can enable a submissive and dominant to explore their sexuality in a way they have never experienced before.
Although, people are shrugging off the stigmas attached to such kinky relationships every day there is still a need of educating the masses about how BDSM relationships function and what BDSM is. The mainstream media portrays BDSM as a physical activity but it is so much more than that. BDSM can be psychological and mental as well. Because of the way BDSM has been shown in our mainstream media, people think those who practice BDSM are perverts or people of rebellious nature and in some cases even mentally ill. The unfortunate fact is that we live in a society where normal and boring sex is encouraged but the exploration of sexuality is still somewhat frowned upon.
Truth is that BDSM is nothing more than the exploration of one’s self. Studies have proven that submissive and dominants are people who are in control of their lives and have been making independent decisions which has landed them a BDSM partner with whom they can further explore their own self. BDSM itself is not a new concept. It dates back to the Greeks and other ancient civilizations. Ancient scriptures, shapes, and texts from Kama Sutra have proven that restraint the other for sexual pleasure is a practice that has been carried out since centuries. There are millions of dominants and submissive and hundreds of BDSM dating sites on the internet today although none as awesome as ours of course 😉 Let’s take a look at the phenomenon of BDSM in depth.
What is BDSM?
If we break down the abbreviation, BDSM, we can extract words such as dominance, submission, sadomasochism, bondage, and discipline from it. Dominance and submission is basically when the submissive lets go of all their control and is ready to be ruled by the dominant. Sadomasochism is more of the same, but it involves the element of pain whereas Bondage is restraining the submissive to discipline them and it may or may not involve pain.
Bondage & Dominance
Bondage & Dominance make up the first part of the word ‘BDSM’. This includes practicing bondage and submission to discipline a submissive partner. There are a gazillion bondage toys out there but the most common accessory used to restrain a submissive are ropes. Apart from the physical restraints, a dominant can control their submissive in the sense that they can apply psychological restraints on them. Ordering a submissive to remain in a certain position for a specific amount of time is one basic example of combing both the physical and mental forms of bondage. The dominant hasn’t applied any physical restraints but has simply asked the submissive to remain where he or she wants them and the submissive complies. Bondage is different from sadomasochism because disciplining a submissive with restraints does not include a very high degree of pain.
Today the ratio of submissives to dominants is greater and some say this is because being submissive doesn’t require any effort. However, this is not quite the case. Being a submissive means losing control to someone else for a certain amount of time which is always a pleasureful experience, whereas, contrary to popular belief, dominants has great responsibility and pressure on their shoulders. Being a dominant, you will not only be bossing around your submissive. A dominant will have to take care of the submissive’s needs, fulfill their own desires and not translate their power into abuse. However, that doesn’t mean that being a dom or dominatrix is any less liberating of an experience. In addition to submissives and dominants, there are people who have found out, one way or another, that they enjoy both roles and the BDSM world knows them as a Switch.
Whether you are a switch, dominant or submissive, you will be carrying scenes with terms agreed to prior to the activity and the experience should always be consensual.
Sadomasochism
Sadomasochism is extracted from the last part of the word ‘BDSM’. S & M is practiced by those who link their sexual arousal with pain or suffering of any kind. Sadists are people who enjoy inflicting pain while masochists are individuals who being humiliated; both are sexually aroused by their own rules. Society may view the practice of sadomasochism as painful or absurd and pointless but for these individuals, the experience is always pleasurable.
To keep the activity consensual and safeguard the submissive, individuals practicing sadomasochism come up with safe words to be used in situations where and whenever they feel things are getting out of control. A dominant is expected to act instantly when a safe word is uttered. This increases trust amongst the BDSM partners and encourages the submissive to push their limits the next find they find themselves in such a situation. The belief that a dominant will stop when a submissive speaks out the safe word acts as a catalyst in taking the power exchange dynamic to the next level. Most sadomasochism partners are heterosexual but can be both women or men as well.
Interested In BDSM?
Attracted to the kinky lifestyle, love being submissive or found a new fetish but don’t know who talk to? If you have recently found yourself in such a situation, there’s absolutely nothing to worry about. The first thing you need to do before finding a partner is to really think hard about what BDSM role excites you the most. Do you enjoy inflicting or receiving pain? Are you a dominant, submissive or switch? Would you rather have any tie you up? BDSM is vast as the ocean and to be able to embrace it you will have to know about BDSM orientation as it fits you first. Also, keep in mind that being dominant or submissive will not and should not affect your lifestyle. This is just you exploring sexuality behind closed bars and will still continue to be the decision making executive at your job, even if you are a submissive in the dungeon.
Ready To Practice?
Once you have figured out your role and found a compatible partner, the next step should be to thoroughly communicate your desires and fetishes. If you have been a vanilla all your life, you would know that having regular sex doesn’t require much of a conversation before and after, just a little foreplay and you’re good to go. But, BDSM is different. To hold back things, allow guesswork to kick in and not communicate is a crime in the BDSM world.
BDSM requires you to have a constant, honest dialogue going on with your kinky partner, ask questions to know more about them and tell them about your kinks and fetishes in detail. If you encounter any differences, you should be accommodating enough to understand that there is no ‘perfect’ human in this world and be ready to explore or negotiate. Also, communicating boundaries is as important as communicating desires.
Negotiate
A BDSM scene is much like directing a movie. The scenes are discussed and carried out exactly according to the prior agreement on terms to avoid any mishaps. The submissive and dominant both have an equal role in establishing the boundaries and a submissive is in control. Only a submissive can define what he can endure during a scene, which gives the dominant with limits to work and plan a scene in. Include toys, ropes, and other restraints can heighten the BDSM experience even more. Discuss fetish limits, what toys and restraints your submissive is alright with and which are out of the equation.
Be Safe At All Times
Safety is always a big concern and all activities need to be consensual at all times. It is alright to stop the scene at any time if one partner feels that things are getting out of hand or is feels that the communication protocols are not being followed. This is why safe words are an integral part of a BDSM lifestyle and it is strictly prohibited to not intoxicate yourself before executing a complex scene.
