We have made our way well into the 21st century, yet the stigma that still exists around discussing sex in some parts of the world, let alone other forms of sit such as BDSM, is shocking. However, we are progressing as more and more media is now advocating freedom of speech regarding sexual preferences and BDSM is finding home in mainstream movies and TV. But, where kinks and fetishes are only now making their way to the forefront, BDSM has actually always been mainstream, and we all enjoy it in some way – as a submissive, dominant and even as vanilla partners!
Since the subject is still unfortunately widely considered taboo, the second someone discovers a kink of their own, their mind, conditioned by so-called ‘societal norms’ leads them to think whether what they want is right or wrong. Sex is extremely personal, which is why no one gets to make the rules but you. Moreover, kinks and fetches aren’t even that uncommon; a survey conducted points out that more than 75% of the sample had at least one fetish!
Why Do We Develop BDSM Tendencies?
Sex isn’t that straightforward. The reasons why a certain individual prefers a certain act are embedded in their personality, how they think of themselves, their partners and more such factors. Since these factors can’t possibly be numbered, we could safely say that the reasons for anyone of us liking a certain sex act are very subjective.
However, researchers have tried to understand why we develop BDSM tendencies. One popular explanation is that scientists think we develop kinks built around specific body parts because the part of our brain that handles sex and stimulation sort of overlaps with the parts of our brain responsible for other body parts such as feet, hence the foot fetish.
Another well-known opinion is that any sex act, be it BDSM or vanilla, at any given point there is a sub-dot dynamic being practiced. For instance, when either one of decides to come on top and dictate that flow when making love. Researchers this common sub-dot dynamic expands to BDSM when people actively try to experiment more and start exploring what’s more to sex, only to find out that being in a BDSM relationship, if done right, can be one of the most liberating experiences.
The Stigma Around BDSM
It’s astonishing that many of us consider something taboo that actually comes from our own brain. So, we know BDSM is normal and shockingly common, what do we about the people around us who still don’t approve of it? Well, we think it’s about time the society upgraded from being sex-positive to kink-positive as well! This is at least the best you can do when trying to learn about BDSM – going in with an open mind.
Once you discover a kink/fetish, be as open with your partner as you can. You deserve to experience the best in terms of intimacy and you can only do that if you communicate what you want to your partner. The more you learn about it, the more able you will be to communicate your newly discovered preferences to them in a manner that does not scare them. Once the conversation normalises, you’ll be surprised to find our your partner probably has a fetish or two of their own. The truth is we all have kinks of our own, no matter how small, undiscovered, or not entertained and it’s time we start embracing them as long as everything remains safe and consensual.
Truths About BDSM You Might Know
BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, submission and masochism. The reason these terms are knitted together is because the BDSM world is vast and an activity or scene in a BDSM relationship can be a product of any two, three or all four of these words. BDSM is customizable and can take any form as the partners decide, which brings us to the point that BDSM does not always include sex! It can, but does not necessarily have to. BDSM is a sensual experience into self-discovery, and a submissive and dominant can indulge in hours-long intense scenes without having sex.
Another misconception about BDSM is that these tendencies are strong in people who have been through some sort of abuse or violence growing which is absolutely not true. In all its entirety, BDSM is just another form of sexuality, it’s a lifestyle. And contrary to popular belief, BDSM is always safe, which means even a submissive can say no if they don’t feel comfortable. Both partners pick and choose what works for them and what does not. It is not all about whips and chains, sometimes BDSM scenes are built around solely experimenting with senses.
The beauty of BDSM is that it can be as simple as you want it to be. Kinks and fetishes don’t always lead to activities such as whipping and flogging. Did you know looking at someone’ s hair and feeling turned on is a fetish too? The same is true for when one feels aroused by tickling. No matter how much we try to deny it, BDSM has always been out there, it just requires a bit of research, learning and myth-busting from you to become comfortable.
