BDSM is as vast as anything and while exploring each other’s fetishes and kinks in a BDSM relationship, a submissive or dominant might feel that their roles are not defined well. If you are a domme with enough experience in BDSM relationships and have ended your past relationships because you felt you weren’t treated the way you should’ve, you should work towards finding a submissive with a capability to treat you like you think you deserve to be treated. Keep in mind that not every submissive will be able to fit the role you’ve defined which is why you might have to screen a number of people before you find the perfect one. Here’s how to find a submissive who will worship you day and night!
When testing if he is the right submissive for you, set a trial period and give him small tasks to complete. Time him on these tasks and rank his performance based on a defined set of rules. See how he performs over time. If his performance is satisfactory enough for you, you can then consider moving in a long-term relationship with him. If he is not able to take and perform tasks efficiently then you should maybe look for someone else.
One of the submissive’s most major duties is to communicate to the domme when it’s too much. It keeps the submissive from getting overwhelmed and walking out on a BDSM relationship. This might be difficult in the beginning since the submissive is trying to show his domme he can obey her but to save the submissive from the mental and physical pain it is important that he communicates and has an understanding of what his limits are. If a submissive is not able to communicate well, the BDSM relationship will never last long.
A good submissive is not only willing to try new things inside the bedroom or during a scene but also willing to develop himself at other times. A submissive’s character is directly proportional to how good you are as a dominant. A submissive’s development means the domme is treating her well and vice versa. Take your submissive to BDSM classes at the start of the relationship to see if he is willing to work on his deficiencies and work towards taking intimacy in your BDSM relationship to the next level. This will make you both better in the long run.
Trust is as important as anything in a BDSM relationship. This might seem like a lot in the beginning but any relationship cannot survive without honesty and trust. If he does not trust you he will always be afraid of you and hold back from his true potential. This will make the task in the BDSM scene more difficult to complete. It is important that a domme does not rush things in a BDSM relationship. If you have trust issues working on them is your best bet to make your BDSM relationship last longer.
A domme should ask intriguing questions at the start of a relationship. What scenes turn a submissive on and what does he find sexy in a domme? What is too much for him and what are some of the fetishes he hasn’t tried but would like to do in a relationship with you? Getting to know your submissive’s fetishes is of immense importance for any BDSM relationship and helps you judge if he is the right submissive for you.