Sharing your kinks as a submissive or dominant BDSM lover can sometimes become difficult even if you have been in a BDSM relationship but for those who are new to BDSM, it can get extremely confusing. Concerns such as your partner submissive or dominant’s un-interest in your kink can pop up real fast in your mind. It is all about your mindset and if one start thinking negatively, this list of questions or concerns can become a never-ending one.
For anyone who is practicing BDSM, it is of profound importance to realize the role of communication and why being open about your kinks is the only way forward. Know that while there may be some shame associated to our sexual desires owing to the way we’re brought up, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having kinks and fetishes. They are in fact natural and also healthy. The fact that over 70% of us have at least one kink means that there is nothing to be afraid of when opening about your kinks in front of your partner. Communicating will reveal that your partner has the same kinks and they were actually already ready to try something along those lines.
Are Your Sure About Your Kinks?
Before opening up to your partner, being 100% sure about your kink and exploring it yourself is essential. Are you sure that this is what will turn you on or are you also trying it so you’ll know if it really does work for you? If you’re unsure about your kink, ask yourself again because being unconfident will show when you explain it to your partner. On the other hand, if you’re confident about what you want, you will be able to communicate it a more natural tone portraying it as something normal and not a big deal. This will help relax your partner too.
Once you’ve thoroughly gone through everything and learned about your kink really is, it is now time to share it with your submissive or dominant and here’s how you can do that.
Thinking negatively can ruin anything from relationship to work and from creativity to your ability to carry out certain tasks which is why it constant positivity is what you should be aiming for in life.
If you start thinking that sharing your kinks with your submissive or dominant will make them judge you or hurt your relationship, you will be stuck at this point forever. Think of kinks and fetishes as something that you want to share with them because instead, you want to enjoy it with them. Show them that this kink is a part of the personality of the person they care for.
Don’t Hold Back
Once we start explaining something we’re either excited or confused about, we can get confused and want to spit out more words than we can in an attempt to get your thoughts across to the person sitting next to us as soon as possible. While doing this you may think you’ve picked up a non-verbal cue of them not liking what you’re saying resulting in you stopping your conversation immediately and without a proper ending.
This is why we emphasized on thinking long and hard about your kink beforehand but once started talking do not stop without letting them know of all the details. Thinking that you’ll save some of it for the next meeting, will result in the transfer of incomplete knowledge to them which could raise questions.
Answer Their Questions
When you’ve finished ask if your dominant or submissive has any questions. Don’t label their questions as vague or weird. Remember, they are completely unfamiliar with what you’re talking. Each one of us is brought up in different environments, possess different personalities and hence can think differently of every kink out there. What’s routine for you might be new for them. If they’re not experienced it before it is your duty to make them feel comfortable about it.
Test It Out
You’re done talking and your partner is ready to try your kink with you. Once you’re done with the trial run of your kink don’t leave them wondering about how you would have felt. A submissive needs to know whether he carried out the task in a way that pleases their dominant. Similarly, dominant needs to know if a submissive has any concerns related to the activity they just perfumed. If there are issues, talk and negotiate the dynamics at play if needed.
If you’ve persuaded your partner to try a specific kink with you, be grateful that they’ve agreed to it. Do not take things for granted. They might be in a BDSM relationship with you but that doesn’t mean they were on-board with you liked from the get-go. Maybe they did it solely because they care for your needs.