Regardless of any of kind of relationship, finding a partner that syncs with you at all levels is not as easy as it seems. When in a BDSM relationship, choosing the right domme or submissive gets even trickier because of several factors at play. Firstly, when you start looking for someone who would be willing to get into a domme-submissive relationship, you’ve already eliminated more than half of the population. Secondly, unlike regular relationships, you have a more narrowed down criteria and want someone who not only connects with you emotionally but has almost the same level of interest in certain kinks and fetishes. When finding a submissive that compliments your dominant personality, be aware of the fact that every submissive has his own needs, emotions and above all his own kinks and fetishes.

Make A List
Your first step should be that of making a list of all the things you want in a submissive’s personality and your BDSM relationship. Make a list and review it twice or thrice to make sure this really is what you want. There are several questions you could answer on this list such as whether or not you’re not you’re looking for an experienced submissive? It is understandable if, as a mistress, you’re looking for a newbie. Ask yourself if looks matter to you and the extent to which they matter. Are you looking for a submissive that will not only serve you emotionally and physically but financially too?

When you sit down and start making this list, you’ll realize there are a lot more questions that matter to you. Being clear on your end about your expectations is a sure way of landing the right submissive.

Communicate!
Divide your hunt for a submissive into portions and especially pay attention to the levels of communication, trust, respect, and honesty between you two. Keep in mind that the act of submission is consensual and while all of your kinks may not match, find someone who is willing to learn with time. In a BDSM relationship, everything is dependent on communication.

After a good first date, both the domme and submissive should make a list of their needs from a BDSM relationship. This list is similar to one we described above and can incorporate your a submissive and domme’s fetishes too. Afterward, compare your lists and see what matches and what doesn’t. Discuss the things that are not acceptable to any one of you. If, after this, a domme and submissive feel that they are a good match for each other, they can then proceed to set boundaries.

Once in a relationship, communication ensures that a mistress knows what’s working and what needs improvement hence a submissive that can be honest when communicating is very important for a long-term BDSM relationship.