Finding a sub can, at times, be tricky for BDSM domes, regardless of whether they’re experienced or new to the lifestyle. A simple search on the internet would have you scrolling through several BDSM dating sites to find a submissive. However, the topic of how to find an ideal playmate remains unanswered.
The domme and sub are responsible for communicating honestly so they can end up with ideal partners. However, a submissive will always expect a domme to know what she wants from a female led relationship in the BDSM world. Some dommes only want a part time BDSM arrangement, while others have already accepted the BDSM dynamic as a lifestyle. A domme who’d want an LTR would obviously want a submissive looking for the same.
BDSM relationships are different from vanilla dating because they enable a dom and sub to embark on a journey of sexual satisfaction. Settling for just any submissive instead of the ideal one for you would hamper the very purpose of a BDSM relationship. When BDSM dommes are clear about what they want, they are not only able to find a perfect partner but also steer the relationship and their sub in a direction they would desire in the future.
Figuring Out What You Want
In Female Led Relationships for BDSM Dommes seeking an LTR, it is essential for dommes to figure out what they want from their d/s dynamic. If you’re an experienced domme and know the kind of domme personality you are, you’d have an easier time figuring out your expectations from a relationship. If you’re still new to the lifestyle, you can always take one of the many online tests to determine your personality type.
A BDSM LTR is built on the foundation of a strong power exchange. Hence, it is important to know the level of authority you want over your submissive. This can also be understood as the extent of control you would want your submissive to relinquish. By knowing this, you can find a submissive that fits your idea of power exchange. There are several to gauge this. Experienced dommes can figure this out by getting into a detailed conversation with a submissive. Novice BDSM dommes can go by any of the many BDSM activities checklists that can be found on the internet.
Once a foundation for power exchange has been laid out, the domme and sub can delve into more advanced discussions. These include navigating emotional connections in female led relationships.
Map Your Submissive’s Personality
When you think you have figured out your needs from your BDSM relationship, you can move on to the next phase: getting to know your potential submissive.
While the mind is an essential part of a BDSM relationship, the importance of physical attraction can also not be ignored. A d/s dynamic would work best when the mind and body can work hand in hand to create magic. As a domme, you should know the extent to which physical attraction matters for you when choosing a sub in an LTR.
Talk to your potential submissive to know their experience level in the BDSM world. Be honest about your needs and try to discuss their limits. If you can, try to determine the lengths they can go to to please their domme. Most dommes do not like a doormat for a submissive. There’s no fun in dominating a sub who is already ready to do whatever you say without any consideration of their boundaries. It is for BDSM dommes to know where they would like their submissive to fall on the ‘I will do anything to please you’ spectrum.
Spotting a Great Submissive During Negotiation
After some initial discussions, there will come a time when you think you have found the one submissive to build a female led relationship with. It is now time to move on to the next step of negotiating the specifics of your LTR. This is where an experienced submissive can differentiate a great submissive from one who would be in a relationship just for the heck of it.
One of the most important signs of a great submissive is that they aren’t shy when defining their limits. Don’t be surprised or taken aback by a submissive that does so. A submissive can only be honest to you if they are honest to themselves first. Setting boundaries means they know how far they can push themselves mentally and physically. An educated submissive can help you create a safe space for them. Trust grows by leaps and bounds in an honest BDSM relationship, which leads to pushing each other’s soft and hard limits in a power exchange setting.
In the negotiation phase, ask your submissive to share examples of when they tried to challenge their limits in their previous relationships. Listen to them carefully to determine how interconnected their mind and body are. Almost any submissive would be willing to let you push their physical boundaries with some limits; however, a submissive who knows how to decipher their psychological and physical signals together would matter in an LTR.
Aligning a Long Term Vision
When we get into a vanilla relationship with anyone, we need to know their future plans. Female led relationships for BDSM Dommes seeking a LTR are no different.
BDSM is an ongoing process of pushing each other’s limits together. No submissive or dominant can say that they have experienced everything there is in a d/s dynamic. It would be boring to be with a submissive who does not plan on experiencing anything new. Ask them what are some BDSM activities they would like to check off their list in the future. See if the general theme of these activities aligns with your future goals. There is a possibility that their goals are the exact opposite of yours. If that is the case, there is no harm in rethinking their position in your life.
How Does Your Submissive See You?
We all like to imagine that one perfect partner that we would like to have. Your submissive must have a pretty clear idea of how they would like their dominant to be. Ask them questions such as that one act that turns them on the most or any porn scenes they remember where a domme behaved in a certain way. With this information in mind, you would have a fair idea of how they see their domme, which would help you in the long term. Nothing is more powerful than when partners have their minds aligned in a BDSM relationship!
An Enriched BDSM LTR Experience
Near perfect BDSM relationships, especially those that are long term, have one factor in common. The submissive and BDSM dommes in these relationships are always looking to enrich each other’s lives, even when not in the bedroom. Short term BDSM relationships are easier to manage; you get involved in a steamy, hot session and leave after. When in an LTR, the ability of a submissive to find little ways to tease their domme is extremely important.
Smart submissives are quick at understanding their dommes in female led relationships. See if your potential submissive is intelligent enough and willing to figure out ideas to keep you engaged throughout. For instance, your submissive knows you like it when they see you remembering them during the day. Knowing this, they send you a selfie with the marks you left on them from last night’s session.
A Trial Period?
If nothing works, and you are having difficulty figuring your sub out but still feel they could be a great fit, there’s no harm in negotiating a trial period. If they agree, you can evaluate them based on real life scenarios. For instance, you could have them perform activities, sexual and otherwise, and see how they perform. However, it is important that your potential submissive consents to this trial period, and you haven’t just initiated this without them knowing the temporary nature of your relationship.
