Limits, kink, and BDSM go hand in hand when it comes to relationships between a submissive and their dominant. However, knowing your boundaries is important regardless of if you have a BDSM partner or on-going relationship or not. Some may argue it is actually a prerequisite of a BDSM relationship, as important as knowing what you want from your d/s dynamic. Knowing where you’d like boundaries drawn means when you finally have a partner you don’t have to ponder on what your limits are can focus on maintaining and contributing to your d/s dynamic.

Like many other things in BDSM and kink, limits can be potentially infinite and depends on the factors that have contributed to building your personality. In addition to the difference of nature of limits and boundaries that BDSM partners might define, limits can be divided into two broad categories: soft and hard. Since BDSM is all about pushing your comfort zone, soft limits are those that can be experimented with, with the consent of course. Hard limits, on the other hand, are those that cannot be negotiated.

We all have limits. If your submissive says that they do not have a limit and are ready to explore anything you imagine of throwing at them during a scene, they’re either lying or haven’t explored their submissive side as much. From a dominant’s perspective, respecting the limits of a submissive as important as a part of the deal as any other in a dominant-submissive relationship. Respecting boundaries contributes to more trust which in turn means a smoother d/s dynamic.

Setting Boundaries
If you’re an experienced BDSM and kink practitioner, you would have most probably figured out your limits. However, if you’re new to the BDSM scene, figuring out boundaries can become confusing. One way to figure them out to is to sit with your dominant and discuss what you both want from your BDSM relationship, then deleting stuff that is no-go. However, this way you’re bound to miss a lot of activities. An easier way to figure out limits is to search for an extensive BDSM checklist from the web and fill it out. You can later forward the completed checklist to your partner and discuss accordingly. If you are new to BDSM you’ll need your partner to explain a lot of terms in the BDSM checklist anyway.

Liking or disliking an activity is a personal choice and as a trustworthy dominant, you should respect your partner’s limits at all times. As a submissive, you shouldn’t be intimidated by your partner when defining boundaries and understand that BDSM is a journey towards exploring your sexuality; you should do it in a way that is comfortable for you. Limits can, however, be discussed after every month or a set period. As BDSM partners grow in a relationship, the desire to experience more can grow that can result in the abandonment of some previously defined no-go areas.

Respect Limits, Always
As weird as they may sound to you, limits are there to be respected. You may think of a certain defined boundary as useless, not knowing that it may have been set because it has something to do with your partner’s experiences or traumas in the past. Great BDSM partners are not expected to judge. If anything, as a partner all you should know, is the intensity of each boundary; which ones are hard and which one are soft limits that you can work with.

Pushing Limits
Limits are important but they aren’t something carved into a stone. You can push limits, however, communicate beforehand if you plan to do so. By doing so you can avoid breaking their trust, hurting them or creating any negativity in your relationship. Once you think you are at a place where you can talk about abandoning a certain boundary, discuss with your partner. Communicate what is it that you want or have planned. Once you have done so, respect the feedback you receive and if that’s still a no, know that you weren’t guaranteed that they would be thinking to let go of a certain limit or boundary.

As a dominant you may be, at times, tempted to delve into the ‘not allowed’ territory, however, a responsible domme knows when to let their submissive decide what’s best. Allowing your submissive to define limits is not a bad practice. It’s not one that will have them undermine your authority. In fact, it enables you to focus on what’s there to be explored and earn your submissive’s trust.

Why Define Limits?
One of the most pillars of a successful BDSM relationship is safety. Another one is consent. A successful BDSM relationship is like a safe haven for both partners, where they can openly express themselves sexually without the fear of being harmed, both physically and mentally.

Limits ensure that nothing transitions to abuse so the bottom that completely submits to their mistress and let her control him. For dominants, having boundaries in place eliminates guesswork and focus on making what’s ‘allowed’ memorable and worthwhile. Once a dominant knows their submissive’s comfort zone, both can completely let go and enjoy the fun.

Reacting to Limits Being Violated?
If a dominant does not respect their submissive’s limits, it should be considered as a major red flag. However, how a submissive reacts to this depends on the individuals involved. If you think that the limit they have violated hasn’t brought you that much harm, you can communicate and warn your domme. However, if it was a hard limit and something you cannot let go, as a submissive, you can end the relationship. Consequences of breaking boundaries should also be discussed when setting limits. Doing so makes a BDSM relationship smoother for both partners. It helps multiply trust and enjoyment and brings a submissive and dominant together.