An amalgam of both psychological and physiological states, the BDSM power exchange dynamic sends both the sadist and masochist on an amazing journey which is both sexual and emotional. However, to keep both those segments from intermingling will co-existing is a task in itself. Physical affection has a drastically different definition in vanilla relationships. While in normal vanilla relationships being romantic could mean kissing and cuddling, in BDSM relationships being romantic could mean choking your submissive. Whatever the state of a power dynamic amongst a submissive and dominant, the relationship is always governed by pain and other such factors. Since in BDSM happiness is more mutually dependent on both partner’s satisfaction than any other relationship, it is of profound importance that both partners what works best for them. Since the sadist has more control of any BDSM relationship than their partner, they are the ones who have to take lead in making sure of finding a balance in BDSM while getting turned on by pain.
Life Outside the D/S Dynamic
Stop for a minute and imagine what comes to your mind if someone mentions the phrase ‘BDSM relationship’ to you. If you think a BDSM relationship is all about collars, ropes and toys governed by your kinks and fetishes, you have got it all wrong. This definition might work well for defining a normal BDSM dynamic where the submissive and dominant meet for an hour or two, however, it is not at all true in case of a BDSM relationship. A relationship, be it vanilla, sugar or BDSM, is, at the end of the day, governed by emotions and conflicts. The BDSM world is known for power exchange and the d/s dynamic however, there is also a lot of normal vanilla stuff involved.
BDSM Relationships, Power Dynamics & Normality
A submissive or masochist will always feel that they need to remain in their sadist’s shadow. He will always withdraw himself when it comes to mentioning his emotional and physical needs. They will depend on their dominant to help them fulfil their needs. This is why being a sadist comes with great responsibility. The dominant has all the power they need, however, they have to keep their power in check and not abuse it. In a BDSM relationship, once a couple is done with their bit of kinky stuff for the day, if the sadist does not pay attention to their relationship, either party can eventually end up feeling unsatisfied.
In a relationship that is driven by power dynamics between two people, if a sadist does not take lead in realizing that their relationship has other needs, the relationship can become tiresome and seem like a never-ending struggle. Even positive stuff such as honest communication come for the side it can become lethal to the relationship as well. Balance is important, it is the sadist who has to be the one helping themselves and their BDSM partner finding a balance.
Yes, they are your submissive but there is a lot that you have to keep in check as a sadist because at the end of the day you are a team. We are not saying that you stop delegate them stuff, however, you do it in a way that makes them feel valued and appreciated. It shows you believe and have confidence in them. To know-how, how much and when to ask your masochist to do something is crucial. Spending a few hours and a whole day with someone are two different things, which is why conducting yourself in a BDSM relationship and a casual BDSM encounter is different.
Also, BDSM is not at all kink and stuff. Discuss with your submissive if vanilla activities are a good idea. To include or not include vanilla stuff in your BDSM relationship completely depends on you and your submissive. It depends on you both if you want to extend the BDSM dynamic in your daily life or keep it confined to your bedroom. If you do, discuss how much of it can remain outside of the bedroom and decide on terms and boundaries to govern them.
