Regardless of whether you’re a submissive or dominant, before setting yourself on the path of sexual exploration by involving yourself in a BDSM relationship, you should make yourself with familiar with aftercare – an important part of any BDSM relationship and particularly helpful in keeping your submissive happy and engaged. Aftercare may not directly be a part of the scene however it remains an integral aspect post the scene and ensures that any physical or psychological harm is attended to. The intensity, duration and activities in aftercare depend on the BDSM scene’s intensity.
Aftercare is one aspect of the BDSM world you won’t see in mainstream media. Although the activity is focused on the submissive, the goal is that both partners leave the scene completely satisfied and the submissive knows that they are valued by their dominant. Aftercare as activity might not seem as alluring as the scene itself, however, it is integral to a happy BDSM dynamic.
Why Aftercare?
Aftercare refers to the time and attention given to the submissive post the actual BDSM scene. This acts as a reassuring activity for the submissive, letting him know that he is valued by his domme, which in turn helps the sub be more submissive and accommodating next time they are in a scene. Although it is advised that partners proceed with extreme caution while enacting scenes and that a safe word is decided, however, this does not mean the need of aftercare can be ignored. Even if you are an experienced dominant in a relationship a submissive, being a in a BDSM scene for the hundredth time wouldn’t mean that it is any less intense. Your body may become used to enduring the same level of pain, however, the psychological consequences would still very much remain there.
You might argue that BDSM is practiced to take away all the stress, hence how would it affect anyone psychologically? After intense BDSM sessions, one can feel very disconnected from their core at times. For instance, if your submissive is a successful corporate persona and has surrendered to you, his domme, in a BDSM scene, he is bound to find himself in a state of disorientation. At times like these after can ease emotions uncalled for and help your submissive reconnect with themselves.
The Aftercare Process & Options
There is no one right way of aftercare and it depends on several factors including the scene itself which is why a plethora of activities can count as aftercare and it is a dominant who can decide what counts as an effective activity. A dominant can care for any physical injuries or provide their submissive with a warm beverage. Even something as simple as moving them to a warm, comforting space can also be counted as effective aftercare.
Moreover, many submissive have reported that the simple need for communication shouldn’t be ignored. Communication remains one of the strongest means of aftercare. Cuddling your partner and letting them know what you mean to them can have a great impact on creating a calming atmosphere within and around them.
Since aftercare does not seem as attractive as other BDSM activities or scenes, a dominant may often feel lazy in carrying out regular aftercare, however, it is only best for both the submissive and dominant to indulge in this very underrated activity. Only with effective aftercare can a dominant earn their submissive’s trust and become the one person their submissive is ready to let go all limits for. It helps bring partners closer to one another and can eventually lead to better BDSM scenes and d/s dynamic.
