When it comes to kink and BDSM, it is pivotal for a dominant and submissive in a BDSM relationship to take care of each other’s needs and wants. The terms ‘need’ and ‘want’ seem similar but are actually a lot different. As human beings we want a lot of things in life such as an expensive car, a luxury villa, a trip to the North Pole may be, but do we really need those things to survive?

On the other hand, needs are things that are crucial for us to live happily. To live and survive we need things such as water, food and care and love from the ones close to us. Submissive often state that they do get what they ‘need’ from a dominant. We know that differentiating needs from wants can be difficult in a BDSM relationship because each one of has his or her own wants from a relationship. This is where honest and open communication comes in and it is expected of the dominant and submissive to tell each other what they want from a BDSM relationship. However, when we talk about needs in a BDSM relationship, submissive women want dominant men who can take care of their needs and men who are confident in their BDSM knowledge. We list down some tips to help you understand what a submissive wants from their dominants.

Safety First
Being submissive and giving herself to you comes second in a relationship, what comes first is her need to feel safe around her dominant. Only if she trusts you will she give you control of herself and building trust takes time. Even after letting down her walls, she needs constant reassurance that she will be safe in your presence. Although a great part of BDSM is pushing your boundaries to regions unknown but still if the submissive thinks her dom can hurt her she will never open up to him completely.

Limits Are Important
A common misconception about a BDSM relationship is that this is where a man and woman enjoy sex and intimacy without caring for any limits. Yes, the dominant is in control but he does own the submissive. A great part of being a good dominant is to take care of a submissive’s needs. Clear limits need to be defined so the submissive knows you won’t cross a certain line. A submissive also need defined limits she cannot cross and if she does she expects her dom to correct her.

Consistency is Key
A dominant should be a man of his word. He should act upon what he says, ALWAYS! When he says something and does not act on it, the submissive gets confused. A confused submissive cannot trust her dom. A submissive will even test her dominant from time to time to check if her dom is able to handle her, correct her and teach her to be a good submissive.

Pushing Boundaries
A BDSM relationship that does not grow can become extremely boring and partners can feel stuck with each other. This is the reason why a dominant should keep working towards pushing the limits of his submissive, but in a way that is both safe and acceptable to her. She should never be forced too hard to jump over an obstacle she can’t. Instead, you should guide her when she doesn’t know how to handle situations. A submissive needs encouragement from her dom, this encouragement then becomes her strength.

Goal-Oriented
As a dominant, you should be setting goals for your submissive and let her know when she achieves a milestone. This way you both remain excited and she remains motivated to reach goals defined by you. However, you should always explain these goals to your submissive in an elaborate manner so she knows exactly what is expected of her. Goals let her develop as a submissive and takes you BDSM relationship to new levels.

Respect & Love
Submitting to you doesn’t mean she will never need your affection. In fact, respecting her regardless of her performance will motivate her to do even more. When a submissive fails a dominant gets mad at her, she becomes afraid of losing her. This makes her under-perform. However, when you love her even when she fails she tries harder and wants to impress her dom. No one can survive without love and affection and a submissive is no different. When a submissive is not afraid of losing you, she pushed her limits to keep her dominant happy.