Some of us need some dirty talk to get in the mood for sex, while for others verbal stimulation is pivotal for an orgasm. Since BDSM and kink is first psychological and then physical, a dominant’s obsession with words and phrases that would let them verbally humiliate their submissive is very much justified and a part of the d/s dynamic. Similarly, submissive’s find it arousing when their dominant commands them using humiliating phrases during a scene. Hence, it is safe to say that verbal humiliation fetish brings excitement and adds spice to the scene for both the dominatrix and her slave.
However, whether a BDSM activity is physical or non-physical shouldn’t determine if safety precautions are in place. Sometimes humiliating words can be taken out of context and become too much for the person at the receiving end. This is why a safe word or gesture is mandatory. That being said, exploring the verbal humiliation fetish will greatly strengthen the bond between a submissive and dominant. The forms that it takes can differ from person to person and the individual d/s dynamics between partners. This can range from being called a slut to asking a Mistress to permit you before you reach your climax.
Words & Phrases: Why are they a turn-on?
The answer to this question is a fairly simple one. It is a no-brainer that words have a strong effect on how we act. This is why presidential candidates put in so much work perfecting their speech. They know how they speak and what they utter will impact how their potential reacts. Imagine a dominant during a scene and supply them a list of words and phrases that their slave feels associated with. Speaking those words during the scene will stimulate an area of the submissive’s brain, and result in a reaction.
Verbal Humiliation need not always used during a scene – and this is why it is even more desirable by many of the BDSM practitioners out there. It has a tendency to fit nicely into your routine. It does not matter if you are at a restaurant or your office, your dominant can still control you with the help of the phrases they know will turn-on the slave in you. For instance, imagine you are at your office and receive a voice note from your dominant. Your dominant demands, using the most dirtiest of words, for you to go to the restroom and send them a sexy picture of you. Given that you are a submissive who likes to receive orders with a bit of humiliation, just a simple, plain-worded demand of sending a picture to your dominant just wouldn’t compare to the one where they use dirty phrases meant to humiliate you. Another great variation where verbal humiliation and BDSM nicely come together is role-playing. It helps you vary those words and phrases according to your role and feel a bit more involved in the role.
A Relieving Experience
Verbal humiliation may sound useless to those who haven’t experienced it yet. However, to those who do adore it, it is, at times, not just a sexual experience, but one that brings a lot of relief. High-profile men and women in corporate roles love having their dominants command them verbally and physically during short BDSM sessions. These are people who are always in charge at their day jobs. Commanding the directions of a company with mere words that result in actions from their colleagues. Having some else be in that controlling position for a while relieves them of the constant stress of being on top. They let go of everything and enjoy being at the disposal of their dominatrix, losing themselves in the moment and enjoying their freedom.
New to Verbal Humiliation?
It may come as a surprise to you, but something as simple as verbal stimulation isn’t even considered by many at the start of a new BDSM relationship. There’s just so much else to do, isn’t there? However, once a dominant and submissive are done enjoying the initial stages which include a lot of physical stimulation, they then being to realize the role of the massive role psychological and non-physical activities have to play in a d/s dynamic, and that’s where kinks like the verbal humiliation come in.
Once you have decided you want to try verbal humiliation with your slave, first ask your slave if they consent to this as well. Since verbal humiliation is an activity with an effect on the brain, if your submissive agrees to indulge just because you wanted it, neither of you would feel the outcome as amazing as it could be if both partners were consensually up for experiencing it. Once you are both on the same page, start slow.
Again, verbal humiliation seems such a simple activity, which is exactly why consent, mental health and safety of your partner can be easily compromised without you knowing. When starting with the verbal humiliation kink, make sure you sit down with your partner to determine what works and whatnot. May be chalk out a list of words that are strictly prohibited. We all have different tolerance levels and a dominant should respect their slave’s boundaries.
Start Slow to Build Momentum
Starting slow does not mean you will stay at the initial stages of this fetish. It means you start with mild phrases to test the waters. As you delve deeper into this journey, notice closely the reactions that you get from your partner with the use of different phrases spoken with varying intensities. Gradually you’ll start to understand what they want and can know the words they find extremely arousing. Once you have a giant mental list of the words and phrases that works for you both, much like foreplay before actual sex, you can start with mildly dirty words at the start of the scene. As the scene intensifies, you can take things up your humiliation game up a notch.
Moreover, having words come out of your mouth is not enough. It is how you deliver those words. Understand that there is a difference between asking a child to do something and ordering a dominant to serve you. A dominant should keep a tone that tells their submissive that they’re in control while also help their slave see that they are building towards a state of mutual satisfaction. Different voice tones and volumes will have varying effects on your submissive.
However, whatever you do, always abide by the terms you agreed to at the start of the agreement, regardless of if you are a dominant and submissive. Trust is the building block of a d/s dynamic. It can be very easy to lose control while dominating your submissive. There is a very think line between dominance and abuse. Once trust is broken with a submissive, they may still remain with you but will be most likely unwilling to level up in terms of submission. The key is to find balance.
Aftercare is Critical
Verbal humiliation may all be psychological but it demands aftercare as well. Mental domination can be as exhausting as the physical version of it. Take out time after a scene to reassure your partner that the words said during a scene were just said for to satisfy your mutual love for humiliation and you did not actually mean them. Moreover, contrary to popular belief, it is not only the submissive that needs aftercare, dominant needs it too. The nature of aftercare for a dominant is obviously different. For a domme, aftercare may mean their submissive telling them how enjoyable the scene was for them. This validates all the effort that a dominant puts in. Exploring new stuff together can become more enjoyable once you know your partner would be there to help your reach your comfort zone after the activity is over. Of course, there may be exceptions where none of the partners may feel the need for aftercare.
BDSM is Always Consensual
Lastly, always remember that BDSM is ALWAYS consensual. Nothing gels as easily as when you know each other well. Getting to know each other is key for any BDSM relationship to become successful. The mainstream media may show BDSM as something that is all physical and all about spanking, it is not. It is far from it. Humiliation in BDSM can take a plethora of forms and the verbal humiliation fetish is just once of the many. It may seem simple but things can get out of hand pretty fast if anything you say gets taken out of context. To get the best out of this practice, remember consent, constant communication, and aftercare!
